Loyalty

From time to time I like to do value exercises with people, especially with people I want to know better. Nothing scientific, just a very basic, “What are your values?” The hope is that I’ll get a little insight into who they are (or who they imagine themselves to be) and they’ll get a little insight into me. As of this writing, my top three are love, honesty, and hard work. The values of others vary, but loyalty always seems to make the list.

It’s not as if I don’t consider myself a loyal person, I do (most of the time), but what I’ve found is that people typically invoke loyalty to coerce, manipulate, or cover up shortcomings or mistakes. When others say they are loyal, I ask myself, “What are they loyal to and how committed are they to their loyalty?”

It’s a value that’s been on my mind recently as there have been a few people in my life who’ve expressed it as a value and then gone ahead and not lived up to it. Sure, everyone is allowed to fall short of their values. Hell, I fall short on mine all the time. But falling short on loyalty hits me hard, especially when it is an expressed value, because it’s akin to saying, “You can trust me.” Which, I guess, is another way of saying, “I won’t betray you.” And then the betrayal comes and poof there goes all respect and trust I had for that person.

These haven’t been Brutus or Judas level betrayals, but significant enough to remind me how precious and powerful loyalty can be to feel and how cheap loyalty can be to say.

- be cool and care