Half-Truth

In high school, I was the rebellious one in my family by comparison. Like most adolescents, I struggled with balancing my own right to choose with what was right, but because freedom and truth are two of my deepest personal values, I may have been a bit more dramatic about it. In those early struggles, and the ones that followed closely behind them, I found that when faced with the choice between what others wanted for me and what I believed to be best, I usually chose my own path over the preference of those around me.

Some things about my values make me uneasy, though. How far would I go for my freedom? Is truth really the greatest kindness? In my twenties, I read the novel, The Commandant of Lubizec. The author creates one fictional story from the very real events of several death camps established during the Holocaust. As the reader follows the camp’s commandant, the most striking quality is how normal he is. He seems to love his family and being excellent at his work, and yet he murders human beings for a living. I wonder about the dangers of not believing that, under the right circumstances, I’m capable of something terrible.

In high school I also learned something else about myself. When my values clashed and I was faced with a choice between freedom and objective truth, I often chose myself. The very values that empowered me in one instance, were incredibly dangerous in another. I’m still figuring out which is which, but I think the only way to give my utmost in this life is to believe to my core that I am inherently good, and also understand I am capable of horrific evil. Together, these truths hold me steady on the path towards real freedom.

Further Reading:

The Commandant of Lubizec: A Novel of The Holocaust and Operation Reinhard