The Clock Doesn’t See Things As You Do.

After years of not running more than a couple of miles at a time, I found myself at the track this weekend for an 18 min jog. I chose a pace slower than what I would have run in the distant past, but consistent with what I had been doing in shorter runs more recently. It seemed reachable before I started, but I never hit the pace. Despite the perfect running weather and cloud coverage, I knew in the first lap that I would be significantly slower than planned..

The best and hardest thing about pushing yourself in training is that it’s nearly impossible to avoid reality. The clock doesn’t lie about what you are capable of doing. The barbell doesn’t lighten up to appease your ego. Because of this, many people who have a habit of tiptoeing around truths, or creating an imaginary reality to exist in, struggle with committing to a training program or fail to see results from the one they follow. They don’t like to fully confront themselves. None of us do.

I didn’t like the feeling of running 18 minutes at a pace slower than I have ever run in my life. For a moment, I wanted to stop halfway through, knowing the rate of my steps would only get slower and I couldn’t un-know what that pace would be. It would be easier to hang on to my imagined abilities and keep them alive in my head. Thankfully, I practice facing the reality of myself regularly—every day, in fact—so I finished a very uncomfortable 1.85 miles. .

I refuse to ignore what is. More than that, I will face it with compassion, playfulness, calm, and action. It takes practice, but the faster and more regularly I face reality, the faster and more consistently I can change it.

While I strive to be strong and resilient, I am fragile in places.. The path forward is to look at my tenderness as frailties AND gifts. I will not hide them or run away, retreating to higher ground. If I can bring myself to look and move myself to improve, I stay both malleable and humble.